As the judge and lawyers began to speak the queasiness returned. After all was said and done the new trial date is August 19, 2014. Once we have a guilty verdict it will take another 6 weeks (approximately) to have a Sentencing Hearing....so looking at the calendar it seems we'll be lucky if the murderer is locked away in prison by mid October.
Yesterday I spoke about my anger and my thankfulness. Today the anger is trying be in control and I'm trying to not let it consume me.
You see, I have a six year old child named Aiden. Aiden came to live with me when he was six months old and after a three year battle he legally became my son. Aiden is Autistic, he also is on the Fetal Alcohol Spectrum (FAS). He suffers Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD) and Severe Anxiety Disorder (SAD). And he is the light of my life and the most amazing kid. His sense of humor is great and his imagination is out of this world. Because of Joey's death many issues surfaced. He cannot attend school because of his anxiety, going out of town or to a new place with people he doesn't know is very difficult for him and having to stay with anyone - including those he loves - while I am tending to other matters is extremely stressful for him.
Last night as I lay down with him he began to tell me of a bad "dream" he had. His "dreams" many times are his fears inside him that if he says it is a "dream" it is easier to express. His body shaking uncontrollably, tears streaming down his face and his voice cracking he is able to tell me - he fears that I won't come back, that I will disappear, that I will go to Heaven, like Joey did. He is so afraid to go to sleep (before medications the child would stay awake every night until he passed out from sheer exhaustion -- typically around 3:30 in the morning!) - afraid that when he wakes up I will no longer be there.
For months I have had to tell him where I am in the house if I needed to change my location or go outside. I would have to make sure he heard me and many times repeat it back so that he was sure of where I would be and how long I would be gone. Yes that meant every time I go to the bathroom, go to the kitchen, or anything else. It also meant that every time he needed to use the bathroom that I would have to stand outside the door - because you see, if the door is closed he can't see me and if he can't see me then I may not be there when he comes out. There are many other things like this that are a part of our daily life now.
An amazing therapist and awesome pediatrician are helping to ease these things in Aiden's life but he is forever changed ....because of the murder of my grandson Joey. We all are.
I read so many comments in social media about the trial being pushed back and that it isn't right, that they shouldn't be able to do this or that, that he just needs to face his charges, that they shouldn't keep prolonging this and on and on. The truth is that while we hate the delays, the news of the new trial date was hard to take, they do have that right. The POS murderer is entitled to adequate representation and if he felt (or his parents) that the public defender was not adequate they (he and his parents) have every right to hire an attorney...and they did. That attorney has to be afforded adequate time to get up to speed with the case (he's 10+ months behind us all) and build his case for his client. Do we like it - hell no! Do we understand it - yes we do. The biggest part is that we want to make sure that everything is done correctly - no room for a mistrial, no technicalities and no appeals for whatever reason (biggest one being inadequate representation). So they have hired an attorney - and we got a delay.
It is still hard to swallow this morning but now we just keep marching on - there is still a light at the end of this tunnel - it's just a little further down the track than we had hoped. And we know, as much as we hate to think of it, that there are still chances for more delays. I pray that doesn't happen, but if it does, we will accept it and carry on. We always keep in the forefront of our minds and hearts that this is about justice....JUSTICE for JOEY....and we will never stop until we have it.
I long for the day that I can stand before the court and give my victim impact statement and tell the Judge and the POS muderer and the POS murderer's parents how what he did affected and impacted so many people and in so many ways.