It's nearly Christmas and I'm struggling with the "holiday spirit" once again. Two years and nine months have passed by since the day I listened to your Mommy trying to tell me something had happened to you. That phone call haunts my mind and my heart every day. Some days are easier than others and most days I just don't let others see the hurt and pain I am in.
In the privacy of my bedroom I cry, I watch videos and look at pictures. I have a poster size picture of you and Mommy in my bedroom that I talk to a lot. Each night I say my prayers and tell you how I miss you and love you. Aiden and I talk about you a lot in my room as well. He enjoys looking at pictures, especially the amazing picture book your Mommy gave me of the five of us - you, me, Mommy, Gus, and Aiden. I cherish it.
I see so many stories in the news from around the country of a child's life coming to an end and I cringe. Many of the stories I just cannot bring myself to read these days. It hurts too much. How I wish no others should have to feel the heartache and pain that we have felt.
However in all of this I also realize that I am selfish, I want you here, I want you with your Mommy and brother but I know that you are in the most of glorious places, in the company of the Lord, in a place of no tears, no pain, no sorrow. And I look forward to the time I will be there with you. In the meantime though I will continue to be selfish. I will continue to miss you and to wish you were here with your mother and brother.
You are forever in my heart, forever in my mind and forever cherished. Merry Christmas in Heaven sweet boy.