One year....and yet it feels like yesterday in some ways. The pain and hurt is still so raw and it runs from the surface to the depths of my soul.
Last night my sleep was fitful, tossing and turning, waking multiple times due to unpleasant dreams. This morning it was hard to get up and get going, things needed to be done but all I wanted to do was sit at my computer and watch video after video of Joey. I did finally finally make it to Boise and take care of some things, and I am glad I did because I was able to see my granddaughter Kayley for a few minutes and even though she was not feeling well, seeing her warmed my heart.
As I am writing this I noticed the time and realize that it is about now that we were beginning to leave Saint Al's and head over to Saint Luke's where Joey was to be transferred to the Children's Hospital ICU.
It was during that drive that I spoke to my step-son Lawrence, my daughter Crystal and made that first phone call to Joey's Grandma Kim. Having to break the news to them of what we had just learned from the doctor's at Saint Al's. That they needed to come from their respective corners of the states. That Erin needed them, that they needed to come say good bye to Joey.
It was when I first arrived at the ICU at Saint Luke's that I first spoke to Joey's dad Joseph in the middle of trying to get a grasp on this out of control whirlwind in my head, of the crushing pain in my gut and the trembling of my entire body.
I remember so much, like I said before, as if it were yesterday. I know with time things will be get easier to deal with but for now all I want to do is scream.
Life has continued this past year, but it is not the life we once knew. Yes some things never change, you laugh, you cry, you play with the kids and grandkids, you watch TV, you talk with friends but everything is impacted by the death of Joey. Everything.
I miss my precious little grandson Joey but I am grateful for a few things - that I know he is in a very special place in Heaven and that he will never feel pain or sadness again, and that we have so many pictures and videos of him. Today I watched several videos and looked at so many pictures and I just have to smile and at times laugh as I see certain things. I really hate having my picture taken but there is one Erin took of me and Joey playing together through the front glass door of my house and wherever I see it or think about it I can't help but giggle because I can hear him, clear as can be, laughing at me and hitting that window.
Images that are stuck in my head today Joey's second 4th of July - the family was gathered at my house (as usual) and Joey had this little pink plastic pig that he kept putting in my youngest son's tricycle and rolling that trike back and forth on the patio.
Joey's first birthday - watching my son Stan having so much fun watching Joey walk in the kitchen - to see both of their faces light up was just one of those moments in life that sticks with you.
I love you No No Jo Jo and I always will. You were an incredible little boy with a personality that could make anyone smile. Your fascination with everything was so fun to watch and you will forever be a part of me. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Forever in our hearts little man. Rest in peace my precious boy.
Love your children, play with them, soak in every moment you have with them - get down on the ground and play with them and see the world from their eyes...and take lots of pictures. Hug them and tell them you love them.
Love,
Grandma Kathy
Last night my sleep was fitful, tossing and turning, waking multiple times due to unpleasant dreams. This morning it was hard to get up and get going, things needed to be done but all I wanted to do was sit at my computer and watch video after video of Joey. I did finally finally make it to Boise and take care of some things, and I am glad I did because I was able to see my granddaughter Kayley for a few minutes and even though she was not feeling well, seeing her warmed my heart.
As I am writing this I noticed the time and realize that it is about now that we were beginning to leave Saint Al's and head over to Saint Luke's where Joey was to be transferred to the Children's Hospital ICU.
It was during that drive that I spoke to my step-son Lawrence, my daughter Crystal and made that first phone call to Joey's Grandma Kim. Having to break the news to them of what we had just learned from the doctor's at Saint Al's. That they needed to come from their respective corners of the states. That Erin needed them, that they needed to come say good bye to Joey.
It was when I first arrived at the ICU at Saint Luke's that I first spoke to Joey's dad Joseph in the middle of trying to get a grasp on this out of control whirlwind in my head, of the crushing pain in my gut and the trembling of my entire body.
I remember so much, like I said before, as if it were yesterday. I know with time things will be get easier to deal with but for now all I want to do is scream.
Life has continued this past year, but it is not the life we once knew. Yes some things never change, you laugh, you cry, you play with the kids and grandkids, you watch TV, you talk with friends but everything is impacted by the death of Joey. Everything.
I miss my precious little grandson Joey but I am grateful for a few things - that I know he is in a very special place in Heaven and that he will never feel pain or sadness again, and that we have so many pictures and videos of him. Today I watched several videos and looked at so many pictures and I just have to smile and at times laugh as I see certain things. I really hate having my picture taken but there is one Erin took of me and Joey playing together through the front glass door of my house and wherever I see it or think about it I can't help but giggle because I can hear him, clear as can be, laughing at me and hitting that window.
Images that are stuck in my head today Joey's second 4th of July - the family was gathered at my house (as usual) and Joey had this little pink plastic pig that he kept putting in my youngest son's tricycle and rolling that trike back and forth on the patio.
Joey's first birthday - watching my son Stan having so much fun watching Joey walk in the kitchen - to see both of their faces light up was just one of those moments in life that sticks with you.
I love you No No Jo Jo and I always will. You were an incredible little boy with a personality that could make anyone smile. Your fascination with everything was so fun to watch and you will forever be a part of me. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Forever in our hearts little man. Rest in peace my precious boy.
Love your children, play with them, soak in every moment you have with them - get down on the ground and play with them and see the world from their eyes...and take lots of pictures. Hug them and tell them you love them.
Love,
Grandma Kathy