This afternoon we will head back to Mountain Home for another court session. Last month the parents of the murderer hired an attorney for him. So of course there is a new delay but we won't know how long that delay will be until today. And of course there is always the chance of more delays later on. I have often wondered why murder trials can take upwards of a few years, now we know firsthand why.
I have been patiently waiting, that was until this past two weeks - now I am just angry.
Angry that Joey was taken from us.
Angry that the murderer is still not taking accountability.
Angry that he doesn't even seem human and shows no remorse for what he did.
Angry that my daughter has to go through the rest of her life without her precious son.
Angry that Gus will never know his brother, only stories and pictures.
Angry that my family has been torn apart as a result of the stress and sometimes lack of understanding.'
Angry that the mother of that piece of scum sits in the courtroom acting all smug and like this is a freaking game.
Angry that my daughter has to deal with people that do and say incredibly hurtful things.
Angry that my youngest child is suffering from PTSD because of what that scum did to our Joey and fears that someone will hurt him or others that he loves. (A five year old child (at the time) should not be able to comprehend this - I tell him that I will protect him and I will never let someone hurt him like Ryan hurt Joey and his response was "Erin protected Joey but Ryan still killed him")
Angry that he understands this.
Angry that we have to remain pretty quiet about everything so as not to jeopardize the case when all I want to do is shout to the world what this man did, the brutal way our Joey died.
Angry that the piece of scum still breathes air and this his delusional mother whines about his being in jail and all the crap she has to say regarding any and all of this situation. (Hey lady, at least your child is still breathing!)
Angry at so many other things. Most days it is a struggle to stay positive, to not bite the head off of anyone that says anything about this case or how we should or should not act.
But there are positives as well, and every day I try to remind myself of those positives, especially when the anger is boiling so fast and furious.
Thankful
Thankful for my daughter Erin and her strength ( she takes after her momma)
Thankful for Aiden and all of my grandchildren - that they are the shining lights in my life
Thankful for my son Stan and my daughter-in-law Kasandra - two of the most grounded people I know and the get away from it all they give me at times
Thankful for my step-son Lawrence and my daughter-in-law Jaime - for their support and for their craziness that gives me laughter from time to time
Thankful for my daughter Crystal and son-in-law Richie - although we are far apart in many ways right now they are so close to my heart and knowing the relationship once shared can be once again
Thankful for my sister Brenda and brother-in-law Troy - I could never imagine going through everything without my sister, she is my shoulder to lean on, and without them Aiden and I would be homeless at this point in time.
Thankful for so many incredible friends - Michele and John C., Clairisa, Jennifer B, Janet and Richard G., Tim and Kim B., Kim N., Cindy and Richard W., Jill Z., Beth L., Kristi W., Shanna and Rex D., and so many others - without you all I think I would have fallen over the edge several months ago
Thankful for Lisa CC and June P - the friendships that have developed over the past several months is amazing and when the three of us do not get to chat for a given day I am lost
Thankful for my crafts and shows because besides bringing me in some money to help support Aiden and I they keep me sane!
Thankful
Thankful for Tina - the Elmore County Prosecutor - an incredible woman who has such amazing compassion in her heart and fights hard for truth. She is the force in the fight to make sure Justice happens for Joey, for my family.
Thankful for Penny and Nicole - Tina's assistants - for answering all of our questions, listening to our anger, being there beside us in every courtroom appearance and resting that hand on our shoulders when things get a little tense - reminding us they are right there.
Thankful for the memories of Joey - of the pictures and videos, of the stories we all share, but most importantly for being the little man that he was - he brought smiles and laughter to everyone he crossed paths with - he was such a beautiful soul.
Thankful for my parents - although no longer living the things they taught me, the strength they gave me, and the thoughts of "If Dad/Mom were here...." statements I often make
Thankful for the Lord - without Him the anger would control me, instead it just slips in front once in a while and I ask Him for help.
Hug your children, get down on the floor and play with them and always take time to hug - ask anyone that knows me personally - HUGS are important!
Grandma Kathy
I have been patiently waiting, that was until this past two weeks - now I am just angry.
Angry that Joey was taken from us.
Angry that the murderer is still not taking accountability.
Angry that he doesn't even seem human and shows no remorse for what he did.
Angry that my daughter has to go through the rest of her life without her precious son.
Angry that Gus will never know his brother, only stories and pictures.
Angry that my family has been torn apart as a result of the stress and sometimes lack of understanding.'
Angry that the mother of that piece of scum sits in the courtroom acting all smug and like this is a freaking game.
Angry that my daughter has to deal with people that do and say incredibly hurtful things.
Angry that my youngest child is suffering from PTSD because of what that scum did to our Joey and fears that someone will hurt him or others that he loves. (A five year old child (at the time) should not be able to comprehend this - I tell him that I will protect him and I will never let someone hurt him like Ryan hurt Joey and his response was "Erin protected Joey but Ryan still killed him")
Angry that he understands this.
Angry that we have to remain pretty quiet about everything so as not to jeopardize the case when all I want to do is shout to the world what this man did, the brutal way our Joey died.
Angry that the piece of scum still breathes air and this his delusional mother whines about his being in jail and all the crap she has to say regarding any and all of this situation. (Hey lady, at least your child is still breathing!)
Angry at so many other things. Most days it is a struggle to stay positive, to not bite the head off of anyone that says anything about this case or how we should or should not act.
But there are positives as well, and every day I try to remind myself of those positives, especially when the anger is boiling so fast and furious.
Thankful
Thankful for my daughter Erin and her strength ( she takes after her momma)
Thankful for Aiden and all of my grandchildren - that they are the shining lights in my life
Thankful for my son Stan and my daughter-in-law Kasandra - two of the most grounded people I know and the get away from it all they give me at times
Thankful for my step-son Lawrence and my daughter-in-law Jaime - for their support and for their craziness that gives me laughter from time to time
Thankful for my daughter Crystal and son-in-law Richie - although we are far apart in many ways right now they are so close to my heart and knowing the relationship once shared can be once again
Thankful for my sister Brenda and brother-in-law Troy - I could never imagine going through everything without my sister, she is my shoulder to lean on, and without them Aiden and I would be homeless at this point in time.
Thankful for so many incredible friends - Michele and John C., Clairisa, Jennifer B, Janet and Richard G., Tim and Kim B., Kim N., Cindy and Richard W., Jill Z., Beth L., Kristi W., Shanna and Rex D., and so many others - without you all I think I would have fallen over the edge several months ago
Thankful for Lisa CC and June P - the friendships that have developed over the past several months is amazing and when the three of us do not get to chat for a given day I am lost
Thankful for my crafts and shows because besides bringing me in some money to help support Aiden and I they keep me sane!
Thankful
Thankful for Tina - the Elmore County Prosecutor - an incredible woman who has such amazing compassion in her heart and fights hard for truth. She is the force in the fight to make sure Justice happens for Joey, for my family.
Thankful for Penny and Nicole - Tina's assistants - for answering all of our questions, listening to our anger, being there beside us in every courtroom appearance and resting that hand on our shoulders when things get a little tense - reminding us they are right there.
Thankful for the memories of Joey - of the pictures and videos, of the stories we all share, but most importantly for being the little man that he was - he brought smiles and laughter to everyone he crossed paths with - he was such a beautiful soul.
Thankful for my parents - although no longer living the things they taught me, the strength they gave me, and the thoughts of "If Dad/Mom were here...." statements I often make
Thankful for the Lord - without Him the anger would control me, instead it just slips in front once in a while and I ask Him for help.
Hug your children, get down on the floor and play with them and always take time to hug - ask anyone that knows me personally - HUGS are important!
Grandma Kathy